Meaningful Statements

I have been feeling a little low lately and sometimes struggling to keep my spirits up. One thing that keeps me going is  (believe it or not) inspirational and funny quotes, sayings, proverbs, etc. So today I'm simply going to make a list of quotes, proverbs, etc. that have meant something to me recently. (If I don't attribute it to a writer, that doesn't mean I am taking credit for the quote; it means i don't know who said it.) 

• Don't judge me by my past; I don't live there anymore
• Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry!
• There is great need for a 'sarcasm' font
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Happiness is perfume. You can't pour it on somebody else without getting a few drops on yourself - James Van Der Zee
• You have the power to call your blessings into existence. - Romans 4:17
• Everybody smiles in the same language
• Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is You-er than You! - Dr Seuss
• If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good. - Dr. Seuss
• You can seek out the positive or the negative in the world. Either way, you are going to find a lot of what you are looking for.
• If you start judging people, you will be having no time to love them. - Mother Theresa
• You are so much stronger than you think
• There is a direct correlation between the level of happiness in one's life and the amount of silliness they allow into it 
• I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated
• Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. - Dalai Lama
• What matters most is how you see yourself
• Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen

How can someone be so mean?

There is a person in my life that somehow manages to get past all my defenses against negativity. This only happens when the holiday season starts. The entirety of the rest of the year, I am able to ignore, gloss over, let slide, and let go of all the misery she tries to spread. Except at Christmas.

As a child, I loved Christmas. We didn't get tons of presents like a lot of other kids, but we got enough. We also got the very things we were wishing for. To me, that meant that my mother listened to me and my siblings and heard what we said. That meant more than the gift itself, as I see it now.

Christmas was fun in the snow, no school, and FOOD! Lots of treats and delicious dinners. A whole stocking full of candy just for me! My mom was the best cook ever, and I looked forward to Christmas dinner all year long!

Somehow, though, I have lost the magic of Christmas. I have let one woman and her thoughtless remarks make me hate the world's favorite holiday. Every year she makes sure to tell my children that they will not get as many presents as her grandson.

I know she does this because she doesn't want them to feel bad on Christmas morning when he has more presents under the tree. The main problem with her solution, is that there wasn't a problem to begin with. My kids have never counted presents to see who got more. They have never done a price comparison to see who got more money spent on them.

I want to cry. I want to yell at her. I want to tell her that she can shove her @#&%ing presents. . . . well, you get the idea.

But my feelings are not her problem. My reaction to her thoughtlessness are not her responsibility. I have let my own bad feelings ruin Christmas for me for more than a decade.

NO MORE!

I will not let her words ruin the magic and beauty of Christmas ever again. I will enjoy it. My children have taught me a life lesson. They still love Christmas, despite the thoughtless ramblings of one old woman. I am taking responsibility for my feelings. I am choosing joy and love. I CHOOSE HAPPINESS.

Complete Romance

That movie line ''You complete me'' sounds so very romantic. We all like the idea of someone who feels like they can't live without us.

When you think about it a little more, wouldn't it be even more romantic to be with someone who chooses to be with us? Isn't it better to have that person love you without the ties of slavery? The most romantic thing in the world, to me, is that person choosing to be with me over everyone else just because I'm me.

It takes two whole people to make a healthy romantic relationship. It doesn't work properly otherwise. In this instance, two halves DO NOT make a whole; it just makes two halves. You cannot expect to find someone to complete you. You must complete yourself. You can then find that someone who will complete the relationship.

The other person can't make up the deficiencies in you. It is not his (or her) job, and it is not what you should expect from someone you love. No matter how much in love two people are (or think they are), they are still two separate people! If you truly love someone, you respect and adore them as an individual, not as an extension of yourself.

Being a whole person doesn't mean have someone else to complete you. Being a whole person means finding your happiness in yourself. You can never be truly happy if that happiness is dependent on another person. You will always end up being disappointed, and it will be your own fault.

True happiness is a choice we each make for ourselves. It is something we can share willingly with others in relationships, romantic and otherwise. It is not something we can take by force from another person. Essentially, that is what we are trying to do when we are using someone else to complete ourselves.

When two whole people are in any kind of relationship, the love for the other individual allows them to grow and change without damaging the bond they share.

Isn't that romantic? *sigh*

Do What You Love

Do what you love. I think everyone has heard that bit of advice. How many people actually get to do what they love for a living? Not enough, I can tell you that. How many people get to do what they love the rest of the time? That should be everybody.


Why is that? Maybe we don't even know what we love. There are so many optons out there, but we limit ourselves. Maybe we don't have the education to do this or that. That kind of thing isn't available in my area. People won't understand why I want to do this. Everyone will laugh at me. People will think I'm silly or stupid.


What does it matter? In the overall scheme of things, does it really matter what other people think? No. What they think is not going to make you happy. Doing what others tell you to do is not what will satisfy you. Only following your own heart will give you the happiness you deserve. (And yes, you DO deserve it!)


So, now we are aware of what does NOT make us happy. How do we know what does make us happy? There's no trick to this; its not hard at all.

• Ask yourself, "What do I love?"
• Pay attention to your smile. What are you doing when it happens the most?
• What do you wish you were doing when you are doing what you have to?
• What is important to you? What talents do you have that can help you along the way?
• Maybe when you are sitting in a meeting, your heart is hiking. Your daily commute is spent dreaming up computer programs. When you are supposed to be doing paperwork, you are running an auction house in your mind. 

I'm not suggesting that anyone needs to quit their job (at least not right this second). I'm saying that knowing what you love to do is important for happiness. Whatever it is that makes you happy, you have the option to pursue it.


It could be that taking up a hobby that you truly love will be enough. Having that to look forward to could help you appreciate and enjoy the rest of your life. 

We shouldn't live our lives doing every little thing that strikes our fancy; that's just irresponsible. It will also not make us happy. What we should do, however, is live our lives APPRECIATING every little thing that strikes our fancy. And every big thing. And every person. And every everything!


Maybe you do want to change your job or career. If you love it and hold onto that dream, it will happen. The choices are there, but you don't see them when you are not aware that you even want them. Are you already doing what you love? Could it be that you are and you don't even know it? Think about that, too.
I will leave you with this simple advice:


Appreciate what you have. Find what you love. Enjoy everything.

Respect

Aretha Franklin sang about it. So did Joe Cocker, the Staple Singers, Lady Gaga, and even Bruce Willis. Some of these songs (just like some people) demand it, some beg and/or nag for it, & some try laying guilt trips over it. IMHO, these tactics failed. Many of these ditties were asking for respect from someone else. Generally, people will treat you in accordance with how you treat yourself. This, however, is almost another topic entirely and will be taken on another day.

There are a few lines of musical poetry that got it right, though. Those songs that told us we have to respect ourselves gave us usable advice. It's not other people's job to give you the respect that you owe to yourself. It is not up to someone else to uphold your personal standards for yourself. It is not up to that guy to carry yourself with dignity. The checkout girl at the grocery store is not responsible for your honor. The gas station attendant cannot ''top off'' your self-worth.

Respect for your own self is not to be confused with conceit, narcissism, or vanity. To respect yourself is to accept everything about yourself. This means accepting the mistakes you make and the limitations you have. It also means accepting the great things on the inside and the outside. Everyone has wonderful things about them, just as each person has limitations to overcome.

Let's start with the wonderful things. You have an awesomeness. We all do. Simply because you are you, you are wonderful, awesome, terrific, fantastic . . . . Need I go on? We are each all these things because no one is just like anyone else. Our very uniqueness makes each of us the very best individual.

In addition to this we are each endowed with personal gifts. Some folks seem to have been born with infinite patience. Others have high IQs. Still others seem to have great athletic abilities. The list could go on for eternity. But the most blessed, IMHO, are those people who have a little bit of a lot of gifts. Maybe you are a little bit artistic, and a little bit smart, and fairly strong, and just a bit ambitious. Any combination of a little bit of lots of things is a great set-up for success in life. Just look at yourself as objectively as you can, and you will begin to see your own gifts. I guarantee you that they are there.

Now, on to the part most people see as negative stuff. Mistakes and limitations don't have to be strictly negative. Without misfortunes we could not appreciate good fortune. Without limitations, we could never grow.

Okay, I know that we all wish everything would just go perfectly all the time. But it can't and it shouldn't. If everything went exactly right all the time, we wouldn't know how great it is for that to happen. It wouldn't be great at all. It would just be normal. We would lose that good feeling that comes when everything goes exactly right.

For example, how much do you appreciate your health after you recover from a cold? Just the fact that you can breathe through your nose again makes you appreciate not having a cold! You would never have that if you didn't know what it was like to NOT be able to.

How often do we wish we could do this or long for the ability to do that? A lot. These are limitations. They are there to overcome. THEY ARE NOT THERE TO STOP US! You wish you could play piano? If you want it badly enough, you will overcome your limitations and do it.

Feel like you need to have more patience? Want to finish a marathon? Have the innate desire to bake the perfect loaf of bread? These are all limited by the obstacles that need to be overcome. If they weren't there, we would not have any way to learn anything. We could never grow. Challenges are the part of life that makes it fun!


Accept and even love these things about yourself. they are what makes you, well, YOU. There is nothing wrong with who you are. (Unless, of course you are a serial killer or something.) You deserve respect from yourself. Nobody else can do that for you. Nobody else has that ability; ONLY YOU! That in itself is enough to merit respect.

Responsibility

You are responsible for you. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness, nor are they responsible for yours. Seems simple, right?

OK, let's take this a step further. You are responsible for your own feelings, good and bad. You are not responsible for the feeling of others, good or bad. Other people are not responsible for your feelings, good or bad. I think I'm a little dizzy . . . . .

OK, let's try this again. Let's just assume that we are all generally good people. We don't want to rule the world, commit any sort of genocide, or enslave our communities. That being said, as long as we spend our days feeling good and being in a happy state of mind we will have a positive effect on the world around us.

You can't live your life worrying about what everyone else is thinking or feeling. (Unless you are a counselor or shrink, I guess.) It is not your job, nor is it any of your business, to try to make others feel good or bad or anything at all. Your actions may have effects on others, but to try to control what other people's reactions are is just crazy! (This is assuming that we are all generally good people...)

If we spend our time thinking about being happy and appreciating everything, we will be happy. That will naturally overflow and affect others in a good way. That doesn't mean we are to blame if they are or aren't happy. Happiness is a choice for each individual to make for him/herself.

Let's just keep these few simple things in mind:

• You are responsible for your own feelings and happiness
• You are NOT responsible for anyone else's feelings or happiness
• No one else is responsible for your feelings and happiness

This doesn't mean we should have zero consideration for others. This means the actions of someone being a good person will not cause harm or grief to others. If you are being a good person you needn't worry about harming anyone, because your actions, words, and intentions are all benevolent. Because you are happy, you will have an abundance of good to share with everyone else!

This does mean that even though the hurtful actions of others are unpleasant, you have the power to let it go or let it control you. It is your choice.

So choose smiles over sorrow and beauty over bitterness.

Above all else choose love.

Focus on the Solution Instead of the Problem

Maybe each of us as single individuals can't solve the world peace issue. Obviously, focusing on wars and famines, plagues, terrorism etc, etc isn't solving the problems. If we each just focused on loving, kindness, generosity, and peaceful solutions, we could make a change.

Maybe the hippies had the right idea. The basic theory was sound; ''Make love, not war''. I'm certainly not advocating draft dodging or breaking any laws at all. Neither am I suggesting anyone take up communal living (eewww!) or give up bathing (eewww again). The idea is that instead of thinking about all the crappy things in the world, think of the wondrous things. Instead of focusing on the heartbreak and misery, try thinking of ways to alleviate them.

Donations and giving money to organizations for relief efforts is fine, but I'm talking about something infinitely more valuable: YOUR FEELINGS. Just by changing the way you feel about the bad news and international incidents can change your life.

For example:
You see the commercial with the starving children. Now you feel guilty, maybe even ashamed. You wonder why you were destined for this rich country and so many others were born into horrible circumstances.

You yell at your kids at the dinner table because they don't want to eat their broccoli. ''There are children in (fill in the blank) who would give their right arm for your vegetables!''

Your child retorts, "They can have them for free!''

Maybe the child has the right idea. Instead of feeling guilty over something you didn't create, appreciate the situation you did create. Love the fact that your children are well fed and don't have to worry about shelter, clothing, and pestilence.

There is nothing wrong with appreciation and gratitude; in fact there is everything right with it.

So be thankful for your good fortune. If you really want to help those starving children, focus on a solution. What can you do to help? (And yelling at the kids is neither positive nor a solution.) Find a trustworthy organization and volunteer. Get together with your friends and send care packages. You will find the right solution if you are looking for one in a positive light.

As far as war and terrorism goes, don't advocate it by devouring news coverage about it. Don't validate evil doings by giving it free word-of-mouth advertising. Focus on loving your neighbors, appreciating your community, and adoring your family. Being angry about it is not going to solve it. Will spiteful and  hateful statements bring joy to your children or grandchildren at the holidays? Will ill feelings brighten your day?

No.

However, kind and loving statements will bring joy to everyone. (and not just on the holidays!) Good feelings will brighten your day, and brighten the day for everyone you meet. Good feelings are contagious, and are spread quickly through smiles.