The things I post are kind of me talking to myself. If you feel as though I have no right to tell "you" how to feel, remember that I am talking to me. When I say 'you' it is simply a pronoun that makes it easier to express my thoughts in an objective manner.

Chuck Norris Facts

I claim no copyright to these jokes. (Except for the Grim Reaper joke; my son came up with that one.) I don't know who wrote them, but it wasn't me. I just think they are funny.

  • Chuck Norris made pie. . . . . with a calculator.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't fart, he blows kisses with his a**.
  • Simon does what Chuck Norris says.
  • Chuck Norris knows all the words to ''Macarena''.
  • When Chuck Norris farts in the car, people roll their windows UP!
  • Chuck Norris can make circles in Minecraft.
  • All of Chuck's genes are dominant.
  • Chuck Norris can try this at home.
  • Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
  • If Chuck Norris farts in church, God giggles.
  • Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • Monsters check under their beds for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face with his fist faster than the sound of light.
  • Chuck Norris killed the Grim Reaper.
  • Chuck Norris can fatally stab you with a Jello Jiggler.
  • I once saw Chuck Norris throw a building off a guy!
  • Chuck Norris can run Windows 7 on his etch-a-sketch.
  • Willy Wonka gave Chuck an everlasting gobstopper, but it only lasted .23 seconds.
  • Chuck Norris can count backwards from infinity.
  • Chuck Norris knows the crabby patty formula.
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was friends with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris once spun a Chinese man so hard he became disoriented.
  • Dolphins pay good money to swim with Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris is in Rome, they do as he does.
  • Chuck Norris is allowed to pay his bills with trident layers gum.
  • Chuck Norris can say Mississippi in one syllable.
  • Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
  • When the kool-aid man visits Chuck Norris, he uses the door.
  • Chuck Norris can drink a water of glass.
  • Chuck Norris can talk about fight club.
  • Chuck Norris steps on land mines because he likes the way they sound.
  • Chuck Norris is the number one reason for death. Death is number two.

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