Respect

Aretha Franklin sang about it. So did Joe Cocker, the Staple Singers, Lady Gaga, and even Bruce Willis. Some of these songs (just like some people) demand it, some beg and/or nag for it, & some try laying guilt trips over it. IMHO, these tactics failed. Many of these ditties were asking for respect from someone else. Generally, people will treat you in accordance with how you treat yourself. This, however, is almost another topic entirely and will be taken on another day.

There are a few lines of musical poetry that got it right, though. Those songs that told us we have to respect ourselves gave us usable advice. It's not other people's job to give you the respect that you owe to yourself. It is not up to someone else to uphold your personal standards for yourself. It is not up to that guy to carry yourself with dignity. The checkout girl at the grocery store is not responsible for your honor. The gas station attendant cannot ''top off'' your self-worth.

Respect for your own self is not to be confused with conceit, narcissism, or vanity. To respect yourself is to accept everything about yourself. This means accepting the mistakes you make and the limitations you have. It also means accepting the great things on the inside and the outside. Everyone has wonderful things about them, just as each person has limitations to overcome.

Let's start with the wonderful things. You have an awesomeness. We all do. Simply because you are you, you are wonderful, awesome, terrific, fantastic . . . . Need I go on? We are each all these things because no one is just like anyone else. Our very uniqueness makes each of us the very best individual.

In addition to this we are each endowed with personal gifts. Some folks seem to have been born with infinite patience. Others have high IQs. Still others seem to have great athletic abilities. The list could go on for eternity. But the most blessed, IMHO, are those people who have a little bit of a lot of gifts. Maybe you are a little bit artistic, and a little bit smart, and fairly strong, and just a bit ambitious. Any combination of a little bit of lots of things is a great set-up for success in life. Just look at yourself as objectively as you can, and you will begin to see your own gifts. I guarantee you that they are there.

Now, on to the part most people see as negative stuff. Mistakes and limitations don't have to be strictly negative. Without misfortunes we could not appreciate good fortune. Without limitations, we could never grow.

Okay, I know that we all wish everything would just go perfectly all the time. But it can't and it shouldn't. If everything went exactly right all the time, we wouldn't know how great it is for that to happen. It wouldn't be great at all. It would just be normal. We would lose that good feeling that comes when everything goes exactly right.

For example, how much do you appreciate your health after you recover from a cold? Just the fact that you can breathe through your nose again makes you appreciate not having a cold! You would never have that if you didn't know what it was like to NOT be able to.

How often do we wish we could do this or long for the ability to do that? A lot. These are limitations. They are there to overcome. THEY ARE NOT THERE TO STOP US! You wish you could play piano? If you want it badly enough, you will overcome your limitations and do it.

Feel like you need to have more patience? Want to finish a marathon? Have the innate desire to bake the perfect loaf of bread? These are all limited by the obstacles that need to be overcome. If they weren't there, we would not have any way to learn anything. We could never grow. Challenges are the part of life that makes it fun!


Accept and even love these things about yourself. they are what makes you, well, YOU. There is nothing wrong with who you are. (Unless, of course you are a serial killer or something.) You deserve respect from yourself. Nobody else can do that for you. Nobody else has that ability; ONLY YOU! That in itself is enough to merit respect.

Responsibility

You are responsible for you. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness, nor are they responsible for yours. Seems simple, right?

OK, let's take this a step further. You are responsible for your own feelings, good and bad. You are not responsible for the feeling of others, good or bad. Other people are not responsible for your feelings, good or bad. I think I'm a little dizzy . . . . .

OK, let's try this again. Let's just assume that we are all generally good people. We don't want to rule the world, commit any sort of genocide, or enslave our communities. That being said, as long as we spend our days feeling good and being in a happy state of mind we will have a positive effect on the world around us.

You can't live your life worrying about what everyone else is thinking or feeling. (Unless you are a counselor or shrink, I guess.) It is not your job, nor is it any of your business, to try to make others feel good or bad or anything at all. Your actions may have effects on others, but to try to control what other people's reactions are is just crazy! (This is assuming that we are all generally good people...)

If we spend our time thinking about being happy and appreciating everything, we will be happy. That will naturally overflow and affect others in a good way. That doesn't mean we are to blame if they are or aren't happy. Happiness is a choice for each individual to make for him/herself.

Let's just keep these few simple things in mind:

• You are responsible for your own feelings and happiness
• You are NOT responsible for anyone else's feelings or happiness
• No one else is responsible for your feelings and happiness

This doesn't mean we should have zero consideration for others. This means the actions of someone being a good person will not cause harm or grief to others. If you are being a good person you needn't worry about harming anyone, because your actions, words, and intentions are all benevolent. Because you are happy, you will have an abundance of good to share with everyone else!

This does mean that even though the hurtful actions of others are unpleasant, you have the power to let it go or let it control you. It is your choice.

So choose smiles over sorrow and beauty over bitterness.

Above all else choose love.